Marhaba!

They have exiled me now from their society and I am pleased, because humanity does not exile except the one whose noble spirit rebels against despotism and oppression. He who does not prefer exile to slavery is not free by any measure of freedom

It is the best time to introduce myself to all of you after having been blogging for almost four years. Thank you for celebrating me here as this has been a compensation for my society’s dissonance and criticism towards me. I am grateful for being blessed with having a balanced mindset and transparent vision. Grateful for being able to choose and articulate everything rather than being a tool. I am not living my best days as I am facing rumors about me from my coworkers, but I am trying to be positive and think of developing my skills then I would be able to flourish in another place (a better facade rather than that fledgling institution). Glad for being who I am today alhamdulillah.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Rumi~

My Labyrinthine Job

It is disastrous to keep working in such a monolithic and hostile environment. Who can be productive among coworkers engrossed with making up stories about others?!. Instead of going to work in order to work and act as a linchpin in your community, you drag yourself to get there and exert your utmost effort not to mingle with them. Bullying, rumors, gloating, backbiting, and criticism are qualities and actions of those who can not move any step forward because they are imbecile, parochial, and toxic. I feel it is inherited, radicalised, and by far difficult to get rid of.

We work to make money and make our lives better off not the reverse!

We work in order to gain experience then we can climb up the career ladder rung by rung, not to face obstacles, dupes, or hatred.

Work comes second after our mental health and well-being, so please unleash yourself and leave.

Your mental health matters
Your happiness matters
Do not justify, mingle, or even respond to such superficiality.

You are a vicegerent created by Allah to instil something beneficial and to coexist. Those who choose to run amok, you cause trouble to yourselves only because of your insolence, ignorance, and animosity.

I feel it will take tens of years to be real humans in the Middle East and even in the west, we can not be treated equally because of stereotypes, hijab, and religious beliefs!

Miles to go before we sleep, and miles to go before we sleep!

The Seven Selves, Khalil Gibran

In the stillest hour of the night, as I lay half asleep, my seven selves sat together and thus conversed in whisper:
First Self: Here, in this madman, I have dwelt all these years, with naught to do but renew his pain by day and recreate his sorrow by night. I can bear my fate no longer, and now I rebel.


Second Self: Yours is a better lot than mine, brother, for it is given to me to be this madman’s joyous self. I laugh his laughter and sing his happy hours, and with thrice winged feet I dance his brighter thoughts. It is I that would rebel against my weary existence.


Third Self: And what of me, the love-ridden self, the flaming brand of wild passion and fantastic desires? It is I the love-sick self who would rebel against this madman.


Fourth Self: I, amongst you all, am the most miserable, for naught was given me but odious hatred and destructive loathing. It is I, the tempest-like self, the one born in the black caves of Hell, who would protest against serving this madman.


Fifth Self: Nay, it is I, the thinking self, the fanciful self, the self of hunger and thirst, the one doomed to wander without rest in search of unknown things and things not yet created; it is I, not you, who would rebel.


Sixth Self: And I, the working self, the pitiful labourer, who, with patient hands, and longing eyes, fashion the days into images and give the formless elements new and eternal forms-it is I, the solitary one, who would rebel against this restless madman.


Seventh Self: How strange that you all would rebel against this man, because each and every one of you has a preordained fate to fulfil. Ah! could I but be like one of you, a self with a determined lot! But I have none, I am the do-nothing self, the one who sits in the dumb, empty nowhere and nowhen, while you are busy re-creating life.

Is it you or I, neighbours, who should rebel?
When the seventh self thus spake the other six selves looked with pity upon him but said nothing more; and as the night grew deeper one after the other went to sleep enfolded with a new and happy submission.
But the seventh self remained watching and gazing at nothingness, which is behind all things.

Another Crime!

Gaza is the most segregated place in the world. Ordinary things like parsley, canned food and drinks, musical instruments, etc may not be allowed there according to the authority of the transgressor! They are under attack now. One million civilians are under threat and they are not less humans than Ukrainian and other vulnerable people in the globe!

Our solidarity and supplications with you!

UNFOLD YOUR OWN MYTH

Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth

Rumi~

FOR MY UNKNOWN FRIENDS!

If you feel you are in the wrong place, desperate, anguished, unfulfilled, etc! so, this post is for you.

I spent 5 years after graduation jobless. I knocked all the doors after the revolution and it was all in vain. In September 2016, I realized how distressed I was and made up my mind to study English from scratch on my own as I hadn’t had any pound then. In 2018, I worked as a customer service representative in a call center. It was a dead-end job with pennies and unbearable work environment! My college colleague was a team leader there and we were not on good terms then, as a result I got fired because she alleged that I was cancelling calls intentionally. I have decided to resign before getting fired or penalised.

After two years, I have got a secured job in a public sector bank and still working there. Three months ago, I took IELTS, academic module with 7 overall.

Next month, I will be applying for a fully funded scholarship and one of the most prestigious and competitive scholarships globally. Being able to meet such criteria and apply is a great feat for someone like me from a family where most of them are illiterate, especially, women and chauvinism is prevalent. I am not genius or outstanding, but things have been doable because of exertion and dedication. Work hard and move ahead with perseverance as it DESERVES!

Like A Seed I Am Buried In The Earth, Waiting For Spring To Call.

IT IS NOT ABOUT GEOGRAPHY.

What I have learnt through the last three years crystallises my recent perception about Arabs and why we are still lagging behind others. When they glimpse someone who is different and due to the lack of exposure to any differences, they completely shun them and fiercely fight them. I prefer my cocoon instead of exerting any effort towards such narrow-mindedness as it would be in vain. Monotheism is good for spirit, but homogeneity is lethal for our minds and future. Befriend all, accept them magnanimously, and mingle with everyone but be engrossed with your business and life only.

In the beginning, I felt I was wrong, maybe snobbish. I took into consideration that I belonged to a community where women are completely veiled, vulnerable, and manipulated. Then, I realized that all my confusion has resulted from choosing development instead of standing still. Ironically, I wanted to be one of you ten years ago. I wanted to be a regular wife with an ordinary life, but your recalcitrance what provoked me and helped me to succeed.

Yesterday, I cried a lot because of your poor sight, unneeded lineage (tribe), your calibre of beauty which trampled on me, and your ignorance.

Today, I am a dissident and proud to be! I have stayed silent and docile for a decade out of fear and audacity. It is preferable to be low-key in such situations. Now, it is my turn to pay you back with my mutiny, blossoming, and success. That battle was gnawing on my soul, but upfront payment is a must in this world.

To Those Who Transgress, Especially At Such A Hostile Work Environment!

Following Dreams

In Ramdan; the month of fasting and worship I decided to take IELTS, Academic module. I had aimed at achieving 8/7.5, but my exhaustion, tiredness due to long hours,lack of concentration and time management I could not finish task 1 in writing within time. I could only write 70 words, so I got penalised as I had to write minimally 150 words. 7 was a dream five years ago and impossible to get for someone like me. My family is virtually illiterate believing that women are destined to marry and procreate, otherwise our lives would be uneventful whatever we succeed at. However, I feel I am a big failure! Thinking of how many years I spent in learning and preparing. The exertion I did and the seclusion I preferred in order to concentrate on and absorb another language.

Yes. I have become more positive stopped thinking of my past life and its regrets. Yes. I have become more magnanimous towards who/what is different believing that it is the creator’s will to create us in such a way and it is amusing to live among others as long as no one transgresses. Yes. I have become down to earth and stopped bragging about anything as they are ephemera and I only contribute to their existence without possessing them. I am indebted to everyone who has taught me intentionally or unintentionally, kindly or insolently, willingly or not. I would never be who I am without you. Yes. I would resemble my people in my periphery and their simplicity, but simplicity does not suit every phase we embark on especially that one of ambition and adventure. One step to retake IELTS, two months for GMAT, and time to let the story take wings and fly away. I deep down believe that I would be a student at a leading university soon and inspire others to get rid of shackles, mirage, and obsolete traditions.

STIll WANDERING!

He who knows three things is saved from three things:

Who knows that the Creator made no mistakes at creation is saved from petty fault finding.

Who knows that He made no favoritism in allotting fortune is saved from jealousy.

Who knows of what he is created is saved from pride.

— Ansari

Another Realm

And say, my lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small

Quran

My father has passed away. He had leukemia and his condition was critical in the last month. I feel ambivalent about the end of his suffering from cancer and his disappearance. I would never forget the last month and his pain as he had lost much weight and become paralysed. Our relationship had been lukewarm, but during the last two months, I was doing my best to buoy him and lighten his worries. Filial instinct pops up in such situations eradicating all the differences in personalities and our interests.

Father; you will be missed and I have nothing towards you but love, peace, relief, contentment, compassion, and longing. I am indebted to you and will always be for the rest of my life. Without your presence in my life, providing me with money and safe house, I would never be able to evolve and be the one who I am today. I wish you overstayed to witness our happen days and success, but monotheists believe in the afterlife, so your body perished but your soul is amongst us. I love you Baba I love you so much habibi.