Now I have been using this blog for a month. Nothing has changed, but I am over the moon. Euphoria exists in mindset not through materiality. This enchantment has a reason. I do not need to live up to anything.
This blog is my podium to speak my mind and get rid of relics. Hopefully this catharsis may revert my old self to me and ward off ingrained fallacies.
Splendid future 💕
Have you ever imagined your life without social media? I have an inclination to delete everything. I do not know if it is depression or maturity. I do not take any photos nor selfies. I am not fond of sharing my day-to-day life with others especially online. Since2016, I have been using internet to serve me not to waste my entire life. I do not want to spend my life in sharing quotes instead of applying them. I do not want to spend my life looking for the one resulting in an internet troll seeing nothing beyond that inner void. I do not need any podium to speak out! I prefer going out and serve needy and handicapped children as I promised them before. I can be a teacher instilling everlasting benefits and show them the bottom of this ephemera surface of adversity. I am not talking about a mere wishful thinking. It is about how to be euphoric through giving a hand. I can not stand any of my accounts. I will not elucidate nor reveal my desires. I will go out and share my self with the world of giving. I will not wait anymore. I will work on my weaknesses, career,and the scholarship. I do not seek anyone’s attention. Anyone’s standpoint is welcomed, but not considerable. Finally, my soul is free and invincible. I do not want to spend the rest of my life in echoing “I should have done”. And ease my task for me,Aameen!
A month ago I was reading a banned book in my country which is The Milestones because according to the authority, it calls for terrorism. Ironically, I fell in love with this book since it highlights how Islam came down to solve real issues. The verses came down partly according to the current situation then. It was not a process of reading then mimicking the scriptures, but rather an elucidation to solve what was going on. Before Islam, people were obsessed with lineage. They may have allowed their wives to have affairs with other men from the elite only to brag. Having such offspring overcame any morality. Unfortunately, the same is transpiring nowadays, especially in villages, that obsession dwells and metastasises malignantly. Lineage could bridge any gaps. Lineage is an embedded tree no matter what season is in my country, especially, where I live. I can not stand having any debate on such subjects with people around. I am reading books about hue, segregation in the USA, Nelson Mandela, the surrealist Frida Kahlo, Dalai Lama, Gibran Khalil Gibran, Rumi, etc, and on the other hand, people are talking about female genital mutilation in the third millennium. Sometimes I regret learning English to be able to stand on my own ground. There is no contradiction between my faith and my self-progress. Islam is my only guidance and when I make a mistake, I repent and ask the Almighty to forgive me. However, the degenerate society brands who makes any mistake if they were not standing in the same queue. Exaggeration is a man-made demeanor. Learning is the core of my faith. Your traditions and customs are superstitions and will vanish someday.
Everyone’s quote wherever they live. It is for all factions, victims, and today warriors.
At that very moment I am looking for any loopholes in the laws of my life. Any leniency to relieve my pain. Any numbness to stop feeling any burdens. Is it aging? No. I am still young, but my heart has wrinkles and my mind needs a cane to move forward. I am obsessed with reading autobiographies and recently I have been interested in reading self-help genres. They teach me how to act and react in many different ways. Are we entitled to choose the trodden path? Are we eligible to make choices on our own? Is everything a quirk of fate? Or our obstinacy leads to such thing?. There is a hail of questions and some will never be answered unfortunately. For how long will this void insist on getting filled? Time goes by and my life is trickling in front of my eyes. The older we get, the more vulnerable we become. I feel my blog is cathartic and I get rid of all negativities on it. I am so sorry for being obnoxious!
You may tilt and fall apart, but it does not matter. Your perseverance what counts. Your persistence is the generator. The world is your oyster. There is no limit to the opportunities open to you. Mediocrity is a state not a stigma. It is a recursive echo to regain my appetite for life.
This moment is one of the darkest ones ever. I am standing on my own. I am surrounded by family, relatives, and friends. However, no one of them has a significant role in my life. They are mere passersby. I always remember this poem especially in such moments which is “do not reconcile even if they give you gold. If I gouged your eyes out, and then two diamonds were fixed instead of them. Would you be able to see?! There are lots of things we can not buy including memories”. Wandering aimlessly is an integral part of finding out your real self. Destruction is an integral part of success. Lack of care and love will result in the most sympathetic human being. Lack of warmth will make you the shelter from life harshness. I am a twenty-eight year old humanitarian woman seeking enlightenment and self-improvement. Tomorrow is going to be a reconciliation with my old self without any mediators.
To be continued!