Today is another traumatic day in my home. Today, some parents will spend their day without their beloved child. Another family startlingly lost their breadwinner. From now on, pain gets inextricable from some families in Egypt.
In the beginning, I thought it was another morning, but I was mistaken. It was the last day for some innocent people, and the beginning of their families’ sorrows unfortunately. I watched charred corpses in the station on the internet. Ironically, it is the same platform where I stand to board the train to come back home. I would be one of these corpses dying for no reason, but I still have some time. I agonised, I felt aging, I was afflicted with another scourge.
It is a death row. We are all waiting for our moment to get killed, burned, shot, strangled, etc. It is only a matter of time. Allah honoured Adam and his offsprings. However, human beings are deliberately devastating everything. Who is footing the bill? I am, my neighbor, my friend, and our offsprings shall be.
It is looming up ahead of us. It is approaching, and will swallow us up. I am tethered and in tatters. I want to flee, but I am deep down crippled. I want to revolt, but it will never come in handy. I do not have the stomach to hurt myself, but I am drowning into my sorrows.
I wish it was a nightmare!
I have not been blogging for a couple of weeks. However, I was thinking of what should be the next topic throughout that time. I was watching some documentary movies about sex trafficking because of wars, poverty, or maybe illiteracy. In Yemen, a kid got married before puberty, which was according to her father “we wanted to get rid of a burden because of poverty, so we were compelled”. In Pakistan, there is a village where girls get slaughtered in the name of bringing dishonour. Dishonour, according to their loathsome viewpoints, is going out, talking with strangers innocently, or even disobeying their parents’ will. In Lebanon, men take advantage of Syrian women due to their disastrous circumstances as refugees.
Ironically, the society always suspects our entitlement as women as we are delicate and rely on our emotions. Nonetheless, women are their target to satisfy their needs in the most abhorrent way. I myself have been through a lot to correctly evaluate myself as a human being. I have known bullying from a man. I have got ridiculed from a man. Recently, I had a fallout with my mother. It was one of the fiercest and I opened up the most. She conveyed her desires, and I spoke frankly about my own desires which are totally different from hers. I love my mother, but I would never emulate her. Is it wrong to speak my mind? Is it vulgar to go after my dreams? Should our wings get clipped off to represent obedience and honour? For how long are we going to witness this farce?
This relic should no longer exist. Life is much simpler than this maze. The area is a stagnant pond of retardation. If you approached it. It would swallow you up without any changes apart from another corpse.
Hola amigos from the other side!
Now I have been using this blog for a month. Nothing has changed, but I am over the moon. Euphoria exists in mindset not through materiality. This enchantment has a reason. I do not need to live up to anything.
This blog is my podium to speak my mind and get rid of relics. Hopefully this catharsis may revert my old self to me and ward off ingrained fallacies.
Splendid future 💕
Have you ever imagined your life without social media? I have an inclination to delete everything. I do not know if it is depression or maturity. I do not take any photos nor selfies. I am not fond of sharing my day-to-day life with others especially online. Since2016, I have been using internet to serve me not to waste my entire life. I do not want to spend my life in sharing quotes instead of applying them. I do not want to spend my life looking for the one resulting in an internet troll seeing nothing beyond that inner void. I do not need any podium to speak out! I prefer going out and serve needy and handicapped children as I promised them before. I can be a teacher instilling everlasting benefits and show them the bottom of this ephemeral surface of adversity. I am not talking about mere wishful thinking. It is about how to be euphoric through giving a hand. I can not stand any of my accounts. I will not elucidate nor reveal my desires. I will go out and share my self with the world of giving. I will not wait anymore. I will work on my weaknesses, career,and the scholarship. I do not seek anyone’s attention. Anyone’s standpoint is welcomed, but not considerable. Finally, my soul is free and invincible. I do not want to spend the rest of my life in echoing “I should have done”. And ease my task for me,Aameen!
A month ago I was reading a banned book in my country which is The Milestones because according to the authority, it calls for terrorism. Ironically, I fell in love with this book since it highlights how Islam came down to solve real issues. The verses came down partly according to the current situation then. It was not a process of reading then mimicking the scriptures, but rather an elucidation to solve what was going on. Before Islam, people were obsessed with lineage. They may have allowed their wives to have affairs with other men from the elite only to brag. Having such offspring overcame any morality. Unfortunately, the same is transpiring nowadays, especially in villages, that obsession dwells and metastasises malignantly. Lineage could bridge any gaps. Lineage is an embedded tree no matter what season is in my country, especially, where I live. I can not stand having any debate on such subjects with people around. I am reading books about hue, segregation in the USA, Nelson Mandela, the surrealist Frida Kahlo, Dalai Lama, Gibran Khalil Gibran, Rumi, etc, and on the other hand, people are talking about female genital mutilation in the third millennium. Sometimes I regret learning English to be able to stand on my own ground. There is no contradiction between my faith and my self-progress. Islam is my only guidance and when I make a mistake, I repent and ask the Almighty to forgive me. However, the degenerate society brands who makes any mistake if they were not standing in the same queue. Exaggeration is a man-made demeanor. Learning is the core of my faith. Your traditions and customs are superstitions and will vanish someday.
Everyone’s quote wherever they live. It is for all factions, victims, and today warriors.
At that very moment I am looking for any loopholes in the laws of my life. Any leniency to relieve my pain. Any numbness to stop feeling any burdens. Is it aging? No. I am still young, but my heart has wrinkles and my mind needs a cane to move forward. I am obsessed with reading autobiographies and recently I have been interested in reading self-help genres. They teach me how to act and react in many different ways. Are we entitled to choose the trodden path? Are we eligible to make choices on our own? Is everything a quirk of fate? Or our obstinacy leads to such thing?. There is a hail of questions and some will never be answered unfortunately. For how long will this void insist on getting filled? Time goes by and my life is trickling in front of my eyes. The older we get, the more vulnerable we become. I feel my blog is cathartic and I get rid of all negativities on it. I am so sorry for being obnoxious!