Often people that say they “don’t care” actually do. The moment they discuss you with their friends and family, compete with you, bad mouth you to others or react to anything you do or say is when they give themselves away. You can either be saddened or flattered that you effected someone so much. The perspective is yours to determine.
― Shannon L. Alder
It has been a week since I got involved in an abhorrent situation with my female colleague. Insecure women can not stand mingling with outstanding people, especially women because they realize how miniature they are! She is the sister of my manager’s wife (YES. YOU READ IT CORRECTLY!!!). She was working in another department totally different from our work, but due to the restructure; a lot of departments have been centralized and many employee had to leave their jobs moving to branches and another departments.
She is truly an Arab inclining to nepotism and mobs’ acts. She always comes to work late and no one would blurt out a word. She usually says good morning then screams at my colleagues’ faces because of nonsense, for example, one of them touched her office or did anything relating our job without taking her permission. She has no experience in our field, but her ties allowed her to have the upper hand on important business. Sometimes, I feel she still lives in the era of servitude! Imagine that she kept screaming at my face before others only because I was talking with my new colleague helping her with some papers!!!! She offended me saying nonsense and I have not complaint, then she officially complained me to the manager (HER RELATIVE) purporting that I lack respect and decorum when I talk to her!! Mohamed FIRE HER!!! I hate those people who ride waves. She knows well how conspicuous I am. I have the potentiality to get promoted within a couple of months. I cried like a homeless child. I felt crippled and pathetic and why??? from whom?? someone with no value!!!
Five years ago, I would involuntarily accept such a situation suspecting my demeanor. Now, I am a different person, secure, successful being chosen amongst hundreds and it is only because of my diligence as I have no relatives there to support me. I am a humanitarian believing in everyone’s right to live, work, opine, etc without transgressing others’ rights or trampling on their feelings! Would the Middle East change? Would our ambience get ameliorated? Recently, videos of violence and domestic abuse have become quotidian.
A syrian girl got lynched because she tainted her family’s reputation in the name of love. When retardation would stop speaking loud? When nepotism would fade away paving the road to qualified youths only? When will I be able to serve freely? When will I get the opportunity to flee getting a prestigious degree then come back to get rid of such nonsense! Deep down I know that I will win. That hopeless girl was able to learn English on her own. That pathetic girl was capable of bearing a lot of afflictions peacefully. That girl has been selected amongst hundreds to attend an interview deciding whether to be the decision maker where I work or not. I am still waiting for the result but still unable to fathom their hatred. Do you know that I have been working on my skills for a decade? A girl from the countryside belonging to illiterate family thinking of education as a luxurious thing, so what about planning to traveling overseas to pursue my education singlehandedly! Does success coincide only with sadness and obstacles? Now I know the behind celebrating them after having many gashes but they are still alive and survive. Life goes by but Allah would never forget your cruelty! To Allah we belong and to him we shall return.
“Allah does not charge a soul except with that within its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. “Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred.”
An Egyptian woman who is single has decided to adopt a child and bring him up singlehandedly! She is an author, a well-known figure in Egypt. Ironically, her fame is based on a blog called “I want to be a bride”. She created this blog 15 years ago introducing herself as a single woman belonging to a group of other women aged from 25 to 35 years old whom are their society’s scrutiny and pressure to get married. I think I am one of them now as a thirty-year old! This coincides with an unbelievable video of a husband who stabbed his wife because she wanted to get divorce. News of a wife killed her husband unintentionally because he bought her one air conditioner not two as she desired! An accident of a doctor who was suffocated by her husband before her children as he usually abused her, but this time the result was lethal!
Women do not need wombs nor sperms to be real mothers within the lukewarm wedlock! It is an instinct we do have from the Almighty Allah, so children don’t ask for titles, lineages, nor names. They only need a shoulder to lean on, a cuddle away from judgemental people, a guru to teach him/her how to dust off themselves when life thrusts them. They will be also their mothers’ crutches in the future. Marriage is a blessing but it is not a hindrance to experience life as long as we don’t perform something prohibited or offensive! Alha for being a monotheist belonging to our forefather Abraham, Adam, and Eve. Alhamdulillah for knowing that we are mortals and everything is transient!
They are dead, we are dead! Therefore, we are woven into the same tapestry of life voluntarily and peacefully! Do whatever you want to do. Be whoever you want to be! Life is beautiful.
Congratulations Ghada and Adam! I wish you all the best here and in the hereafter together, ameen!
Impossible is just a word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing. – Muhammad Ali
Today is the second anniversary of my blog! Time flies! There is a huge difference between today and how I was in 2018, but I am sure that I will go up many rungs maybe until I reach the peak. I have some questions as an Arab woman from the upper of Egypt, with illiterate milieu, tribal roots, a thirty-year-old woman “SPINSTER”, self-made, simple, strong-headed, studious, ambitious, willing to knock down all the obstacles, still down to earth, still ethereal, and spiritual too as a monotheist first and a muslim who is enjoined to befriend all and respect everyone’s choice, the question is why are you following this blog? Do you enjoy what you read here? Will this blog blossom? Have your standpoints changed about Arabs even the bare minimum? Do you think I am equal to any educated woman on earth? Will objectification be stopped? Will I get where I want to be? Will I get a scholarship to pursue my study abroad? May I be a CEO someday?! Will I get married to someone who is willing voluntarily to serve love, support, equality, and respect at the table of that sacred tie? Will you accept me? Will I coexist peacefully with my flaws and afflictions? A lot of questions and they always lead to the same labyrinth!
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
As far as I can remember, I have always wanted everything from life, everything it can possibly give me. This desire separates me from people who are willing to settle for less. I cannot even comprehend how people’s desires can be small, ambitions narrow and limited, when the possibilities are endless
At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.
That woman exists everywhere in my life. You have noticed her picture on my notebook, on my laptop, she exists also on my cellphone background,etc! She inspires me to move forwards and never look behind my back.
Life transfixed her and thrusted me too. She was the odd one out as I am now! Her legs were crooked and I have my defects too.
She could paint and survive, while I am still struggling to get rid of those superficial veneers.
She let her story take wings, I solicit succour as my stamina can’t take it anymore!
Frida turned her misery into unbelievable paintings, I may build up my walled garden too but I have to pay upfront.
Ironically, I did and I will keep doing so as long as I feel my humanity without any objectification.
How rootless I feel, the more I read and learn from life and books.
I am still a toddler, but the difference between now and before is choosing being thrusted voluntarily not forcibly.
We are portable memories accumulated over the years and some unforgettable experiences.
Thanks coronavirus as it proves how inert we are. It has become a homewrecker suspending and cancelling everything around, but its implications would never be expunged as we better value disguised blessings now. Do not take anything for granted!
Thanks 2020 as it showered my life with bounty and prosperity alhamdulillah. Life is too short!
Your sickness is from you, but you do not perceive it and your remedy is within you, but you do not sense it.You presume you are a small entity but within you is enfolded the entire Universe.You are indeed the evident book, by whose alphabet’s the hidden becomes manifest. Therefore you have no need to look beyond yourself. What you seek is within you, if only you reflect.
Allah does not change a people’s condition unless they change what is in their hearts
And this is what I was doing through the last two years. In retrospect, I think I was the most melancholic person on earth, but then I realized how oblivious I was! Through that process of evolution and getting out of my cocoon, I have learnt a lot about myself and my milieu. I had to sift my beliefs out from what they call “traditions”. Staying low-key for some time is a must especially if you are surrounded with showy, bigoted, and ultra people. I did my best to ameliorate many things around and there was no panacea for my life. Thanks for having a place to vent on as a nonentity’s story may inspire. At the end, an empty vessel clangs the loudest, so please move forwards with enthusiasm and determination and rewards will definitely come in your path!
No human being can be more human than another human being. I liberate you from my ignorance!
I am so grateful for having such a job which allows me to mingle with those wonderful women. Those women have been deprived of education and that air of independence and freedom I currently enjoy. These feelings did not happen overnight as I had to pay upfront and stand lonely during the last seven years. I have tribal roots, but I usually have that feeling of being rootless. Maybe it stems from being single so far. Girls who do not get married at age 25 considered leftovers and spinsters, but people show me respect and courtesy while I will be turning 30 after three months. I have discovered that we convey the message to others about the methodology of decently treating or mistreating us as WOMEN. We are the preys and the perpetrators.
Where I live, women care much about gold, banquets, dowry, and trousseau! we have to buy such and such not to make others belittling us. we should buy twenty bed sheets, ten quilts, four kitchen gadgets, two kids’ rooms even before consummation, mats, spacious flats, etc even if you are insolvent since you have to do so!. Egyptians usually say ” الجواز ستر” which means marriage is a protection for women, but those are mere restraints.
Marriage is a bundle of clemency, love, unwavering support, and equality. It is not an arena to wrestle with others or to show off while you are paraplegic and suffocated with debts and ignorance. Recently. I get used to witnessing such situations and gladly I have met Mona. Mona is a divorced woman and a mother of three-year old child. She can read and write but she is living on the dole for divorced women and it is pittance unfortunately! Mona and I had many conversations together as we are at the same age but with different priorities and standpoints. She has experienced bitterness as he ex-husband was thrusting her daily for months. Now, she is living with her parents and siblings serving them without any attention to her needs nor pain.
If I did not know Islam well, I would curse my religion! But Islam came down to eradicate the customs and traditions of Arabs. We were objectified as we were goods and chattels inherited to anyone. I think our bygone is insurmountable as those traditions defiantly and forcefully encase our religion and deliberately obliterate it! In Islam the most sinful things are taking orphans’ rights and wrongly smearing women’s reputations. I have also met Fatima with her broken fist as her father kept beating her until she gave him money. Should we bear any filial love towards our parents without receiving their paternal compassion in the first place?? Should I feel loony and offbeat as I do not think much of being married or having a child? I am not an ostrich inclining to bury myself under any circumstances. My relationship with human beings is neither trustworthy nor sustainable. I enjoy being woman from the upper with those tribal roots as they are gurus to stand up against such superfluous superficiality.
Life is lived only once. but experiences are perennial. We are mere portable memories and we voluntarily choose whether to discard or to carry all the way. We are blessed to be WOMEN as we are equals only walk side by side and go hand in hand. Thankfully, my goes have come in handy and I finally feel success and contentment.
That picture is taken from another fellow, so excuse me my friend 🌻
Similar to the prophets, the enlightened souls also neither belongs to the community or scientists nor to the camp of unaware and stagnant masses. They are aware and responsible individuals whose most important objective and responsibility is to bestow the great God-given gift of “self- awareness” (khod-agahi) to the general public. Only self-awareness transforms static and corrupt masses into a dynamic and creative cantor, which fosters great genius and gives rise to great leaps, which in turn become the springboard for the emergence of civilization, culture and great heroes. For ruining a fact, do not attack it, defend it badly!
A lot of things we can do through this crazy time. Please read to make that world bearable. Covid19 is a lesson, and history is full of many lessons, but we never heed intentionally or unintentionally! Those are 100 books, so read and fathom well.
I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.
Before the internet, the gap was wider as each community was well-versed in its traditional lore only. Now, you can make friendship with people overseas while you are plopping down on your sofa through your cellphone. Nonetheless, we are suffering from those trolls behind their keyboards!
Two years ago, an Egyptian cook has decided to take her hijab off. I could not make out people’s demeanor when they scorned and understated her. She was called a spinster looking for a groom, they suspected her faith without any deference! Her decision was personal, but trolls insisted on making it a religious matter!
Mo Salah, the Egyptian football player posted a picture of his daughter while she was playing on the piano. The comments revolved around religion and Islamic nurture. Their comments exuded their ignorance of religion and its essence.
Dina Tokio has decided to take her hijab off as well. As a Muslim blogger, her decision was not her own. Therefore, people have decided to threaten, insult, and send their pernicious messages to her.
A month ago, I read the news and there was a survey of British people’s acceptance of Muslims and hijab as compatriots like anyone else there. The majority claimed that hijab symbolised backwardness, and this would never represent their country, especially after its long-term battle to spread freedom and justice.
For me, all these scenes have ignited an important question about religion, and whether we preserve it, or it protects us from that ingrained brutality. It was profound as I always thought of religion away from any tales or fecund imagination.
In 2019, I was eager to read religious books away from any tales or prejudice. I have found some books and thankfully the riddle got unraveled. Every religious rifle was a result of a political conflict and a paranoid ruler. Religions are based on the same pillars of mercy, care, worshipping, fasting, alms, and the afterlife. The last messenger is our debate. There is another life in another realm and we all want to experience it as human beings, andmonotheists with different hue, physiognomy, and religions. God wants us to be different, so we have to coexist with each other.
After I read some books, I came up with some conclusions;
First and foremost, Everyone is held accountable for their deeds here and in the hereafter. This message is an allusion to dissuade those trolls as accountability is sole!
The first cosmic covenant what matters the most. Allah enjoined Adam to worship, supplicate, and befriend all human beings.
If religiosity does not better you, so you definitely misunderstand it.
I have to neither witness your ugliness, nor make my phone kosher to stave off such things. Therefore, I have decided to give up using my Facebook account.
Read the study Quran book. It is the best Quranic commentary I read, especially for those who have some ambivalence towards Islam.
Read Reza Aslan’s books, no god but God, Zealot, and god; a human history. This author helped me fathom how we have disfigured religions with our chauvinism and bigotry. He is a Shiite Muslim who was Christian before. His books are page turners and enlightening, especially for a sunni woman who has never mingled with Shiites.
As a feminist, kecia Ali and her books about sexual ethics in Islam. Some thorny issues such as the dowry, concubinage, and slavery. Kecia did answer a lot of profound questions as a Muslim woman.
Good Muslim, bad Muslim book astounded me. The cold war, opium industry, the socio-economic mutation of Islam from a mere religion to a political identity, and the Middle East has become an arena. The inception of militant groups, explosions, and fundamentalism are expressed in detail in this book.
Finally, who witnesses wars and survives, will suffer from its dregs until they pass away.
“People are enemies for what they do not know”. Seven years ago, I was one of those people; insular unable to digest differences. Ostensibly, it is our nature to avert what we have no idea about. Death, for example, is ambiguous whatever our beliefs. You believe as a Christian, Muslim, and Jew in the Day Of Judgement. For atheists and others, bodies are cremated converting into ashes or simply going to decompose without believing in paradise nor hell. Remembering death is not a nice thing to talk about but it is inevitable and somehow restful!
How much have I changed through these years? A lot! How many things have got unfolded before my eyes? Most of them! Am I still chauvinistic appreciating only my surrounding? Not in the least. I have been learning through defying ambiguity and deleting that word “CIRCUMSTANCES” from my own dictionary as we can not step down from living our lives. Changes match only with adversities and bitterness.
It took seven years of my age to be that person who I enjoy its company today. Four years were spent on awaiting for life to sweeten, while the other three years were spent on stripping my soul to keep only the childish part and getting rid of what had sapped me for years. Therefore I aired my mind to forget stale notions that never served my life. Mingling with the handicapped people was the last phase of my spiritual growth and mental health.
Now, I am poised to move up with a pure soul and a receptive mind. Failures and patience are parents of my resilience and strength. Unexpectedly, self-aggrandizing is the byproduct of that long-term process. Everyone is a mere companion, I may ask your advice, but you would never have the upper hand. I may open up, but that does not mean surrender. As I have learnt English from scratch on my own, I can do more with the reminder of downplaying those attainments.
“The fruit of the thought is safety”. Finally, reaping this fruit was arduous and deceitfully uneventful. However, those years what make me more humane. I am grateful for landing up where I am now.