You may tilt and fall apart, but it does not matter. Your perseverance what counts. Your persistence is the generator. The world is your oyster. There is no limit to the opportunities open to you. Mediocrity is a state not a stigma. It is a recursive echo to regain my appetite for life.
This moment is one of the darkest ones ever. I am standing on my own. I am surrounded by family, relatives, and friends. However, no one of them has a significant role in my life. They are mere passersby. I always remember this poem especially in such moments which is “do not reconcile even if they give you gold. If I gouged your eyes out, and then two diamonds were fixed instead of them. Would you be able to see?! There are lots of things we can not buy including memories”. Wandering aimlessly is an integral part of finding out your real self. Destruction is an integral part of success. Lack of care and love will result in the most sympathetic human being. Lack of warmth will make you the shelter from life harshness. I am a twenty-eight year old humanitarian woman seeking enlightenment and self-improvement. Tomorrow is going to be a reconciliation with my old self without any mediators.
To be continued!
Stop this farce. No one is the culpable but you. Switch your role from a mere victim to be the perpetrator without any accessories. It is your life and you are the sole protagonist!
There is no need to cry over the spilt milk anymore.
Shiny morning!
It is clear my mother tongue is not English. Actually English is my second language besides my native language, Arabic. It took time, efforts, and social sacrifices to get where I am now Alhamdulillah. I have learnt through my journey that one tongue means isolation. One language means hearing from one side and resorting to the same side to understand what the other one wants to convey. It sounds a maze, a loathsome one, especially, if this language is the language of the globe. It is not only about having better sources of sustenance, but also a new outlook. It helps you to circulate these stale notions about the other side. People, where I live, are afraid of opening to not ruin their minds. I had a conversation once with a friend about the West. She said “I have learnt their language, but I am not as open-minded as them as she knows only erotic fantasy about Westerners”. I wondered her talk and superficial conclusions.
Have a look on this portrait. How ugly it is, indeed. It is usual to witness such scene in villages. In Egypt where poverty consumes people’s souls, where mob justice and laws prevail. A fifteen year old girl gets married to a sixty year old tourist from Gulf States. He has money, she has beauty, such a combination!. He has the power to choose among girls, she is pathetically a plaything.
One of the companions said once “if poverty was a man, I would kill him”. Why did he talk only about poverty? Not oppression, not ignorance, nor any illnesses. Poverty is a maze game taking your privacy away from you. You have to tell others about your condition when you ask them for money. You have to implore when you urgently need something, but your pockets are empty. Your friends gradually get fewer and fewer. You are not the most lovable one in your family!
Who has everything luxurious and echoes money is not everything. I would like to say, you are mistaken since your freedom to make more choices is based on how much money you do have. The more money you make, the more choices you can make. Money is a mean of exchange. Imagine you deep down need something, but you change your mind because you have to.
I never blame those who resort to the worst means to live on, for instance, prostitute, or even getting married to an elderly as a cover for gaining money. I sincerely believe such demeanor exists after various trials and tribulations. We, human beings resort to live on urinate only to survive when earthquakes hit. How disgusting urinate is, but still bearable to inhale and exhale.
He can rejoice his body. She still breathes and tries to hold her own little by little. However, who is going to foot the bill? Her soul and the anguished offsprings!
In Arab world, family cohesion is a hallmark. However, I am deep down convinced it is not cohesion, but rather a dominion. I know well generalisation is ludicrous to classify this magnificent relationship between parents and their offsprings as an irony fist having the upper hand over everything around , but it is the reality especially where poverty and ignorance are embedded . In Egypt, for instance, divorce rate has been dramatically increasing recently. There are many reasons for this matter.
First and foremost, marriage costs vast amount of money which a middle class man may spend years and decades to make this money. Therefore, parents’ help has become a must to see their grandchildren someday. As most of families fond of showing off making others talk about how much money they spend on the wedding party, dress, banquets, gold, etc. In Islam, marriage is based on love and serenity, but human psyches have converted this sacred connection into a miserable bargain. After wedding parties, parents never stop bragging of how much money they spend since this backwards of making comparison with others. The proof of better lineage is unfortunately based on luxurious appearances, not morals nor education.
Secondly, the bride and her groom decide to marry because they have to marry now not because they want. She should marry to not be called a spinster after a couple of years. He mostly wants to prove his manhood, has children, and so on.
Finally, any quarrel between spouses requires their parents’ interference since they are the funders of this marriage resulting in the most biased judgements. I know some married people who got divorced and their ex-husbands abandoned their parental instinct ensued. Love of grown-ups is genuinely different from that of drama and movies. We, women are affectionate seeking others’ attention all the time as the community ask you to complement the portrait if you were repulsive on your own. Thus, this void will consistently insist on you to fill it with any trash coming across.
As far as I am concerned that as long as your marriage is funded by parents, your familial project is inevitably destructive. In my home, they build houses instead of relationships. They lay down presents, and banquets instead of mercy and acceptance. They care about the furniture quality more than the two persons’ matching and humanity. Marriage is much simpler than this loathsome maze. I wish I get married to a companion with my own money and decisions away from these disgusting norms.
Life upbringing will teach you until you get the buffer zone without any gashes.
Get rid of all futile circles then set up your journey as a warrior single-handed diving into life.
Happiness is contagious.
The garden of the world has no limits, except in your mind.
When love beckons to you, follow it!
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.
Peace 💫
These people who are unable to see beyond the last scene without neither sacrifices nor sweat are undeniably abhorrent. Their cocoon prevents them from seeing tumbling and paralysis before others dust off their clothes and clamber up rung by rung. I deep down believe that we can’t succeed unless we fail firstly. We have to savour every taste life offers until we get the privilege of tucking in what is delicious and nutritious and putting aside what our mind can not digest. We came to this precarious world as an archive. Its papers are be filled with remorse, despair, triumphs,etc. How can we learn filling archives neatly at tender age without experiencing life’s whips. Two years ago I knew the surrealist, Frida Kahlo. According to my standpoint, reading autobiographies is metaphorically a cane to lean over when I get stooped because of life not aging. Frida was the role model since her ability to convert adversity and physical defects into art. She was not the sexiest woman on the earth to make ends meet and be in the limelight, but her latent talent did. She was not a mother of children to perpetuate her legacy but her misery did. Her husband was not the most faithful man the their marriage but her love was steadfast. Polio and infertiliy were not imperfections, but rather a catalyst for such paintings. There is nothing called handicap is only a state of mind. This world is our oyster, it will be generous as long as we gradually improve ourselves. Nothing is absolute, everything changes, everything revolves!
Mother’s womb is the warmest and safest place ever, but if we do not play, we will never win!
There are still miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.💫
In the last week media outlets had nothing to talk about but Saudi girl “Rahaf” who fled because of her parents’ abuse. Her act and bravery to speak out is not a day-to-day thing that we, as Arab people, are accustomed to. I always believe that holy religions came down to get rid of paganism, so there is no person nor symbol to be worshipped including parents.
The Almighty bestows parents with offspring, so that they instill the values and education in them what these parents were deprived of! Not to pollute them with abuse, hatred, and hostility which will result in scarecrows entombed into their cast unable to reveal anything. These pent-up emotions cause psychological harm and stagnation. I was debating with my mother about Rahaf and I was by far exhilarated. My mother was unpleasant and immediately asked me about my standpoint since it is forbidden to abandon her family in such way. I replied that Rahaf was facing a life-and-death issue. There was not that luxury of making the best choice. She was on the brink of getting beheaded, kidnapped, imprisoned, or living on her own overseas. I asked my mother a question which was ” the Almighty enjoined Muslims to treat their offspring mercifully”. Thus, instead of debating about obeying parents, we should rather spotlight the problem of parents’ authoritarianism towards their children in the first place. kids mimic their parents closely, so they sow hatred, vulgarity, segregation, arrogance,etc, they will reap the same and unfortunately these toxic qualities will embed and metastasize without any hope of remission. It was no surprise when I heard that she renounced Islam. The unjustified brutality of her family’s deeds seemed inseparable from the holy teachings according to her standpoint. It is natural because we all go astray before our personalities are fully solidified. Politics is squalid and the breeding ground for dysfunction. Little by little I get more convinced that humankind has gotten more animalistic holding advanced devices in their hands. It is our dreadful era with this shallow farce. I hope every oppressed woman gets freedom and self-actualisation in that inferno, The Middle East.
I will be turning 28 within two days without any exhilaration though. I have decided to write and open up now because I am deep down sure that everything is going to change and be much better, so I want to have a look and be thankful then!
I celebrate my birthday in the beginning of the year. However, I do not celebrate nor eat out. I rather plop down on my couch counting my achievements, mistakes, new friends, wailing, regretting, planning, etc!
In 2018 I was trying to put up with difficulties and detested things more that anything else. I quit dead-end job because of people I thought they were friends, but I was mistaken as usual. I have learnt that cutting off toxic people is mandatory to keep living healthy. I have learnt that we should not share our dreams with people who can’t understand them. I have learnt the importance of keeping people at arm’s length until they prove the opposite. I have learnt that no one deserves our patience and chances as long as we are not in their’s debt. I have learnt lots of things not to be under misappropriation anymore. Thus, I am thankful for your existence in my life.
I do not feel anything in particular before I turn 28 because I quit on living my whole life to master one thing three years ago. When I was 25 years old full of vitality, thinking of that brilliant future,and having a job lined up due to my high GPA. Nonetheless, it was all in vain without any exaggeration. I am grateful for these out of control obstacles as I thought in the beginning. They were the infrastructures to build up my new self with different outlooks. Without these blessings as I call them now, I would be an employee with Pennies in the governmental sector with that narrow-mindedness and fences since we humankind seek out protection when we grow fragile and insecure.
I shall not celebrate this year since I have not reaped anything yet. Celebration is held for a reason and I have not any at least now. I feel I am melancholic, disappointed, and somehow astray, but it always happens when things are about to change on our behalves.
My first piece of writing, the darkest but not the last one💫
To be continued!
BRAINCHILD 