Today is the second anniversary of my blog! Time flies! There is a huge difference between today and how I was in 2018, but I am sure that I will go up many rungs maybe until I reach the peak. I have some questions as an Arab woman from the upper of Egypt, with illiterate milieu, tribal roots, a thirty-year-old woman “SPINSTER”, self-made, simple, strong-headed, studious, ambitious, willing to knock down all the obstacles, still down to earth, still ethereal, and spiritual too as a monotheist first and a muslim who is enjoined to befriend all and respect everyone’s choice, the question is why are you following this blog? Do you enjoy what you read here? Will this blog blossom? Have your standpoints changed about Arabs even the bare minimum? Do you think I am equal to any educated woman on earth? Will objectification be stopped? Will I get where I want to be? Will I get a scholarship to pursue my study abroad? May I be a CEO someday?! Will I get married to someone who is willing voluntarily to serve love, support, equality, and respect at the table of that sacred tie? Will you accept me? Will I coexist peacefully with my flaws and afflictions? A lot of questions and they always lead to the same labyrinth!
Hola friends and I am waiting for your answers!
At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.
That woman exists everywhere in my life. You have noticed her picture on my notebook, on my laptop, she exists also on my cellphone background,etc! She inspires me to move forwards and never look behind my back.
Life transfixed her and thrusted me too. She was the odd one out as I am now! Her legs were crooked and I have my defects too.
She could paint and survive, while I am still struggling to get rid of those superficial veneers.
She let her story take wings, I solicit succour as my stamina can’t take it anymore!
Frida turned her misery into unbelievable paintings, I may build up my walled garden too but I have to pay upfront.
Ironically, I did and I will keep doing so as long as I feel my humanity without any objectification.
How rootless I feel, the more I read and learn from life and books.
I am still a toddler, but the difference between now and before is choosing being thrusted voluntarily not forcibly.
We are portable memories accumulated over the years and some unforgettable experiences.
Thanks coronavirus as it proves how inert we are. It has become a homewrecker suspending and cancelling everything around, but its implications would never be expunged as we better value disguised blessings now. Do not take anything for granted!
Thanks 2020 as it showered my life with bounty and prosperity alhamdulillah. Life is too short!
Allah does not change a people’s condition unless they change what is in their hearts
And this is what I was doing through the last two years. In retrospect, I think I was the most melancholic person on earth, but then I realized how oblivious I was! Through that process of evolution and getting out of my cocoon, I have learnt a lot about myself and my milieu. I had to sift my beliefs out from what they call “traditions”. Staying low-key for some time is a must especially if you are surrounded with showy, bigoted, and ultra people. I did my best to ameliorate many things around and there was no panacea for my life. Thanks for having a place to vent on as a nonentity’s story may inspire. At the end, an empty vessel clangs the loudest, so please move forwards with enthusiasm and determination and rewards will definitely come in your path!
No human being can be more human than another human being. I liberate you from my ignorance!
I am so grateful for having such a job which allows me to mingle with those wonderful women. Those women have been deprived of education and that air of independence and freedom I currently enjoy. These feelings did not happen overnight as I had to pay upfront and stand lonely during the last seven years. I have tribal roots, but I usually have that feeling of being rootless. Maybe it stems from being single so far. Girls who do not get married at age 25 considered leftovers and spinsters, but people show me respect and courtesy while I will be turning 30 after three months. I have discovered that we convey the message to others about the methodology of decently treating or mistreating us as WOMEN. We are the preys and the perpetrators.
Where I live, women care much about gold, banquets, dowry, and trousseau! we have to buy such and such not to make others belittling us. we should buy twenty bed sheets, ten quilts, four kitchen gadgets, two kids’ rooms even before consummation, mats, spacious flats, etc even if you are insolvent since you have to do so!. Egyptians usually say ” الجواز ستر” which means marriage is a protection for women, but those are mere restraints.
Marriage is a bundle of clemency, love, unwavering support, and equality. It is not an arena to wrestle with others or to show off while you are paraplegic and suffocated with debts and ignorance. Recently. I get used to witnessing such situations and gladly I have met Mona. Mona is a divorced woman and a mother of three-year old child. She can read and write but she is living on the dole for divorced women and it is pittance unfortunately! Mona and I had many conversations together as we are at the same age but with different priorities and standpoints. She has experienced bitterness as he ex-husband was thrusting her daily for months. Now, she is living with her parents and siblings serving them without any attention to her needs nor pain.
If I did not know Islam well, I would curse my religion! But Islam came down to eradicate the customs and traditions of Arabs. We were objectified as we were goods and chattels inherited to anyone. I think our bygone is insurmountable as those traditions defiantly and forcefully encase our religion and deliberately obliterate it! In Islam the most sinful things are taking orphans’ rights and wrongly smearing women’s reputations. I have also met Fatima with her broken fist as her father kept beating her until she gave him money. Should we bear any filial love towards our parents without receiving their paternal compassion in the first place?? Should I feel loony and offbeat as I do not think much of being married or having a child? I am not an ostrich inclining to bury myself under any circumstances. My relationship with human beings is neither trustworthy nor sustainable. I enjoy being woman from the upper with those tribal roots as they are gurus to stand up against such superfluous superficiality.
Life is lived only once. but experiences are perennial. We are mere portable memories and we voluntarily choose whether to discard or to carry all the way. We are blessed to be WOMEN as we are equals only walk side by side and go hand in hand. Thankfully, my goes have come in handy and I finally feel success and contentment.
That picture is taken from another fellow, so excuse me my friend 🌻
A lot of things we can do through this crazy time. Please read to make that world bearable. Covid19 is a lesson, and history is full of many lessons, but we never heed intentionally or unintentionally! Those are 100 books, so read and fathom well.
My lord, you have not given me what I was longing for even the bare minimum. You have made my fate in comparison with my hopes and wishes like a lantern among outnumbered stars. Glory be to God whether he gives or withholds. I am thankful that you have guided me towards wisdom. Grateful for realising that the light of the lantern is much stronger inside home than those far further stars. Stars which we can only see on the rooftop even if the sky is full of them.
When we suffer from life’s residues. Residues of combating afflictions and scourges. They have different modalities causing incurable fissures. They abate only when life gets better-off, but never evaporate! I would like to thank 1107 followers because they have decided to read my scribbles, and share my walled garden. I never expected having such followers within a few months. Thanks a million!
I have only three months to change some things in my life. First and foremost, I will look more at the mirror praising my facial features and challenging myself. Yes. I accept who I am, but I can be better. Three months to go on a vegan diet sounds good!
Secondly, let bygones be bygones, therefore I have unblocked some people and had good conversations with old friends. There was neither grudge nor envy. A lot of things have mystified me. I never stopped asking why? I was good! Why did they purport that? This was deleterious and utterly ridiculous! Do not look behind your back as definitions belong to the definers not the defined.
I finished reading all the books. They were informative and page-turner ones. Different genres including religious books, shiite and sunni Muslims, autobiographies, African Americans, apartheid, and politics. Finally, I do not see myself as a hollow pumpkin! Outlooks should be renewed otherwise you are an animated cadaver!
I deep down believe that life is a solo journey. Sometimes it transfixes you, and sometimes it insists on humiliating you! It is motley and full of contradictions. However, we always embrace and clutch to it.
Finally, the first chapter was long and somehow mundane. There is a feeling of happiness tinged with bitterness. I was trekking, and I will keep doing so. Nothing is absolute!
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
When I remember who I am, I read the prophet book, Gibran Khalil Gibran with the song, https://m.soundcloud.com/haydarhamid/dnlywl3n7wvy
“People are enemies for what they do not know”. Seven years ago, I was one of those people; insular unable to digest differences. Ostensibly, it is our nature to avert what we have no idea about. Death, for example, is ambiguous whatever our beliefs. You believe as a Christian, Muslim, and Jew in the Day Of Judgement. For atheists and others, bodies are cremated converting into ashes or simply going to decompose without believing in paradise nor hell. Remembering death is not a nice thing to talk about but it is inevitable and somehow restful!
How much have I changed through these years? A lot! How many things have got unfolded before my eyes? Most of them! Am I still chauvinistic appreciating only my surrounding? Not in the least. I have been learning through defying ambiguity and deleting that word “CIRCUMSTANCES” from my own dictionary as we can not step down from living our lives. Changes match only with adversities and bitterness.
It took seven years of my age to be that person who I enjoy its company today. Four years were spent on awaiting for life to sweeten, while the other three years were spent on stripping my soul to keep only the childish part and getting rid of what had sapped me for years. Therefore I aired my mind to forget stale notions that never served my life. Mingling with the handicapped people was the last phase of my spiritual growth and mental health.
Now, I am poised to move up with a pure soul and a receptive mind. Failures and patience are parents of my resilience and strength. Unexpectedly, self-aggrandizing is the byproduct of that long-term process. Everyone is a mere companion, I may ask your advice, but you would never have the upper hand. I may open up, but that does not mean surrender. As I have learnt English from scratch on my own, I can do more with the reminder of downplaying those attainments.
“The fruit of the thought is safety”. Finally, reaping this fruit was arduous and deceitfully uneventful. However, those years what make me more humane. I am grateful for landing up where I am now.
“Life without struggles is like a tiger without stripes” indeed life does not believe in alibis. You have to savour firsthand rather than recieving futile commands even from well-versed people. Life is even-handed befalling everyone equally. The quota of scourges may differ in the shape, but believe me, it has the same calibration of pain and aches.
It churns my stomach when I think of my life and how much I am lagging behind my peers. However, these years were the price to get to where I am today. Actually, it is a paltry one in comparison with what I have learnt. Indeed, the world is your oyster having no limit to the opportunities open to you!
“Life consists of two days, one for you one against you. So when it’s for you don’t be proud or reckless, and when it’s against you be patient, for both days are test for you.”, Imam Ali.
Dear my friend,
Get rid of that relic, don your persistence, and then tread your path. Composure happens after boiling, melting, and many jolts. At the end, our to-do list is still full and there are many miles to go before we sleep.
Do not falter, do not grieve!
Everything is a double-edged sword having its yin and yang. Sometimes human beings misunderstand the cosmic message neglecting its essence. Therefore, regret is meaningless as we never lose. We may leave this world without getting the answer, and the importance of our question gradually dwarfs when we gain sagacity. Regret is a byproduct of hindsight, and an insidious hindrance. Winning stipulates playing. Who never savours failure, would never appreciate the taste of success. Yes. Regret is an eternal question you will never have the answer to, but still the catalyst to better your life. Shackles are the real gurus.
Born a crime book, Trevor Noah.