Things do not go well whether they are educational, professional, or personal issues. Living in a place where people starve and struggle to make ends meet due to the recent unprecedented plight of USD and the highest inflation rate we are dealing with. As most of you know that I got rejected from the scholarship to pursue my master’s degree with no despair or grudge as I will keep applying until I get admitted. Professionally, in Egypt work is not managed by efficiency but rather by nepotism and by being loyal to your managers and supervisors even if this means accepting their insolence and intrusion with pleasure! I am studying for six hours daily in order to leave this ranch and never deal with these beasts. These are not insults as they always behave violently with no mindfulness. Personally, after my father’s death, I still cannot turn off the lights before I go to sleep as I cannot forget seeing him dead and shrouded before his burial. It was the last time I saw him silent with no screams out of pain but with all the faith and being a monotheist, death is ambiguous and difficult to digest as long as I am still in a different realm.
My appearance has changed a lot! I put on weight and depression looks like my closest company who would not leave soon. Life is playing its abhorrent game of giving things then harshly snatching them. I want to retrieve the old Gehad; I mean the old appearance with the current mindset. I even think negatively about my value as a woman but human beings are the most valuable creatures on earth. I try to regain my spirits, ambition, enthusiasm, trust, and confidence. I have started to eat healthily and enjoy taking myself to the place where I would mingle with like-minded people and through that process I will snatch my self worth and water it as much as I can. I would befriend honesty, self-care, and authenticity. I would abandon hypocrites, filters even those in my camera!, and self doubt.
Live and love 💘