Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own mythRumi~
If you feel you are in the wrong place, desperate, anguished, unfulfilled, etc! so, this post is for you.
I spent 5 years after graduation jobless. I knocked all the doors after the revolution and it was all in vain. In September 2016, I realized how distressed I was and made up my mind to study English from scratch on my own as I hadn’t had any pound then. In 2018, I worked as a customer service representative in a call center. It was a dead-end job with pennies and unbearable work environment! My college colleague was a team leader there and we were not on good terms then, as a result I got fired because she alleged that I was cancelling calls intentionally. I have decided to resign before getting fired or penalised.
After two years, I have got a secured job in a public sector bank and still working there. Three months ago, I took IELTS, academic module with 7 overall.
Next month, I will be applying for a fully funded scholarship and one of the most prestigious and competitive scholarships globally. Being able to meet such criteria and apply is a great feat for someone like me from a family where most of them are illiterate, especially, women and chauvinism is prevalent. I am not genius or outstanding, but things have been doable because of exertion and dedication. Work hard and move ahead with perseverance as it DESERVES!
What I have learnt through the last three years crystallises my recent perception about Arabs and why we are still lagging behind others. When they glimpse someone who is different and due to the lack of exposure to any differences, they completely shun them and fiercely fight them. I prefer my cocoon instead of exerting any effort towards such narrow-mindedness as it would be in vain. Monotheism is good for spirit, but homogeneity is lethal for our minds and future. Befriend all, accept them magnanimously, and mingle with everyone but be engrossed with your business and life only.
In the beginning, I felt I was wrong, maybe snobbish. I took into consideration that I belonged to a community where women are completely veiled, vulnerable, and manipulated. Then, I realized that all my confusion has resulted from choosing development instead of standing still. Ironically, I wanted to be one of you ten years ago. I wanted to be a regular wife with an ordinary life, but your recalcitrance what provoked me and helped me to succeed.
Yesterday, I cried a lot because of your poor sight, unneeded lineage (tribe), your calibre of beauty which trampled on me, and your ignorance.
Today, I am a dissident and proud to be! I have stayed silent and docile for a decade out of fear and audacity. It is preferable to be low-key in such situations. Now, it is my turn to pay you back with my mutiny, blossoming, and success. That battle was gnawing on my soul, but upfront payment is a must in this world.
In Ramdan; the month of fasting and worship I decided to take IELTS, Academic module. I had aimed at achieving 8/7.5, but my exhaustion, tiredness due to long hours,lack of concentration and time management I could not finish task 1 in writing within time. I could only write 70 words, so I got penalised as I had to write minimally 150 words. 7 was a dream five years ago and impossible to get for someone like me. My family is virtually illiterate believing that women are destined to marry and procreate, otherwise our lives would be uneventful whatever we succeed at. However, I feel I am a big failure! Thinking of how many years I spent in learning and preparing. The exertion I did and the seclusion I preferred in order to concentrate on and absorb another language.
Yes. I have become more positive stopped thinking of my past life and its regrets. Yes. I have become more magnanimous towards who/what is different believing that it is the creator’s will to create us in such a way and it is amusing to live among others as long as no one transgresses. Yes. I have become down to earth and stopped bragging about anything as they are ephemera and I only contribute to their existence without possessing them. I am indebted to everyone who has taught me intentionally or unintentionally, kindly or insolently, willingly or not. I would never be who I am without you. Yes. I would resemble my people in my periphery and their simplicity, but simplicity does not suit every phase we embark on especially that one of ambition and adventure. One step to retake IELTS, two months for GMAT, and time to let the story take wings and fly away. I deep down believe that I would be a student at a leading university soon and inspire others to get rid of shackles, mirage, and obsolete traditions.
He who knows three things is saved from three things:
Who knows that the Creator made no mistakes at creation is saved from petty fault finding.
Who knows that He made no favoritism in allotting fortune is saved from jealousy.
Who knows of what he is created is saved from pride.
And say, my lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small
My father has passed away. He had leukemia and his condition was critical in the last month. I feel ambivalent about the end of his suffering from cancer and his disappearance. I would never forget the last month and his pain as he had lost much weight and become paralysed. Our relationship had been lukewarm, but during the last two months, I was doing my best to buoy him and lighten his worries. Filial instinct pops up in such situations eradicating all the differences in personalities and our interests.
Father; you will be missed and I have nothing towards you but love, peace, relief, contentment, compassion, and longing. I am indebted to you and will always be for the rest of my life. Without your presence in my life, providing me with money and safe house, I would never be able to evolve and be the one who I am today. I wish you overstayed to witness our happen days and success, but monotheists believe in the afterlife, so your body perished but your soul is amongst us. I love you Baba I love you so much habibi.
On my birthday, I feel I am where I should be at my convenience and pace. I thought I was lagging behind, but the truth is that I was fully equipping myself to move swiftly outracing all my counterparts.
I am grateful for everything and indebted to my environment with its flaws and critiques. Thankful as I exist in such an easy era to master and learn approximately everything without virtually serious obstacles. To cite an example, you can be a daughter of an illiterate mother with dogmatic roots and be passionate about your own life and choices.
Fortunately, background has little to do nowadays as we can evolve and prosper without much exertion. We only need temporary seclusion, stamina, and stop being easily susceptible. Life is endearing, short, and just.
I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretence, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.
I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.
Gibran Khalil Gibran~
Everything looks disappointing and overwhelming, but I incline to optimism and diligence as hard work pays off undoubtedly! Relics, nepotism, intermediaries, critiques, scrutiny, corruption, intrusion, perversion, gossips, plots, etc are transient and would never last or Hurt us!
Remember me in your prayers and du’a as I feel paralyzed. I need resourcefulness to move ahead with peace.
You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current resultsAtomic Habits~
And among his wonders is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the diversity of your tongues and colours: for in this, behold, there are messages indeed for all who are possessed of [innate] knowledge. Qur’an~
The more you expose yourself and savour what you are not accustomed to, the more magnanimous you become especially when you witness others’ mistakes. One religion, one denomination, one hue, one tribe, one standard, one place, etc are allusions to superficiality and ignorance that’s why we are obliged to learn and search. The Arabian societies are full of bigoted parochial people because they are accustomed to dealing with what/who is homogeneous otherwise you would be under scrutiny and threats. I am always longing for the melting pot and shall live in such environs someday.
We are different cosmically and are woven in the tapestry of life voluntarily.
Sure, scars can be painful to look at, reminding you where you have been, but they also remind you of how far you have come.A Quote~