Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own mythRumi~
What I have learnt through the last three years crystallises my recent perception about Arabs and why we are still lagging behind others. When they glimpse someone who is different and due to the lack of exposure to any differences, they completely shun them and fiercely fight them. I prefer my cocoon instead of exerting any effort towards such narrow-mindedness as it would be in vain. Monotheism is good for spirit, but homogeneity is lethal for our minds and future. Befriend all, accept them magnanimously, and mingle with everyone but be engrossed with your business and life only.
In the beginning, I felt I was wrong, maybe snobbish. I took into consideration that I belonged to a community where women are completely veiled, vulnerable, and manipulated. Then, I realized that all my confusion has resulted from choosing development instead of standing still. Ironically, I wanted to be one of you ten years ago. I wanted to be a regular wife with an ordinary life, but your recalcitrance what provoked me and helped me to succeed.
Yesterday, I cried a lot because of your poor sight, unneeded lineage (tribe), your calibre of beauty which trampled on me, and your ignorance.
Today, I am a dissident and proud to be! I have stayed silent and docile for a decade out of fear and audacity. It is preferable to be low-key in such situations. Now, it is my turn to pay you back with my mutiny, blossoming, and success. That battle was gnawing on my soul, but upfront payment is a must in this world.
In Ramdan; the month of fasting and worship I decided to take IELTS, Academic module. I had aimed at achieving 8/7.5, but my exhaustion, tiredness due to long hours,lack of concentration and time management I could not finish task 1 in writing within time. I could only write 70 words, so I got penalised as I had to write minimally 150 words. 7 was a dream five years ago and impossible to get for someone like me. My family is virtually illiterate believing that women are destined to marry and procreate, otherwise our lives would be uneventful whatever we succeed at. However, I feel I am a big failure! Thinking of how many years I spent in learning and preparing. The exertion I did and the seclusion I preferred in order to concentrate on and absorb another language.
Yes. I have become more positive stopped thinking of my past life and its regrets. Yes. I have become more magnanimous towards who/what is different believing that it is the creator’s will to create us in such a way and it is amusing to live among others as long as no one transgresses. Yes. I have become down to earth and stopped bragging about anything as they are ephemera and I only contribute to their existence without possessing them. I am indebted to everyone who has taught me intentionally or unintentionally, kindly or insolently, willingly or not. I would never be who I am without you. Yes. I would resemble my people in my periphery and their simplicity, but simplicity does not suit every phase we embark on especially that one of ambition and adventure. One step to retake IELTS, two months for GMAT, and time to let the story take wings and fly away. I deep down believe that I would be a student at a leading university soon and inspire others to get rid of shackles, mirage, and obsolete traditions.
And say, my lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small
My father has passed away. He had leukemia and his condition was critical in the last month. I feel ambivalent about the end of his suffering from cancer and his disappearance. I would never forget the last month and his pain as he had lost much weight and become paralysed. Our relationship had been lukewarm, but during the last two months, I was doing my best to buoy him and lighten his worries. Filial instinct pops up in such situations eradicating all the differences in personalities and our interests.
Father; you will be missed and I have nothing towards you but love, peace, relief, contentment, compassion, and longing. I am indebted to you and will always be for the rest of my life. Without your presence in my life, providing me with money and safe house, I would never be able to evolve and be the one who I am today. I wish you overstayed to witness our happen days and success, but monotheists believe in the afterlife, so your body perished but your soul is amongst us. I love you Baba I love you so much habibi.
By the end of the year I have learnt to keep the door ajar. With calamities there is relief soothing us from time to time.
Failures are catalysts, boorish and coarse people come across to show us how pathetic they are.
Do not pay any attention to rumors as they are said out of envy, so be grateful for having something enviable and then move ahead (HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH ALWAYS).
Equip yourself well by studying, learning, seeking, and isolating yourself for a while.
Be thankful for being born in such era where the internet is easily accessible, a hefty amount of information is available by a click, for having such devices in our hands and within a couple of seconds it can abruptly convey our message and be a trend overnight!
Order is not woven into the tapestry of life. We are equals; we are humans.
New beginnings with mature people and positive periphery.